Oh dumpster jeans, you are the denim equivalent of a discarded pet. What kind of monster takes the time to break you in, to get your seat to fit just right for their ample behind, only to leave you hanging over the side of the nearest waste containment unit?The shame you must feel (in your albeit non-existent textile mind) is not deserved. No, the shame belongs only to the person who so casually destroyed the most intimate relationship one can experience in modern society, the relationship between a person and their most comfortable pair of pants.
But do not fear, your pain has not gone unnoticed. This is a clear call to action. We, the pants wearing public, must rise up and protect our treasured garments. No more can we sit casually by while old t-shirts are used as cleaning rags. Never again will we cut up clothing to satisfy our Halloween costume needs. We will not abide the casual abandonment of another pair of well worn jeans.
Over the years our clothes have given us warmth and comfort. The least we can do is treat them with some dignity.
